Having a bad day, it just happens sometimes.......

I was thinking today that I wanted to try to get this blog updated. I see all of these blogs with all of these neat things on them. Like links it web sites, daily verses, just some really neat things and I thought well I can do that. Well no I can't. I have tried and I can not seem to figure it out. I guess I am really not that good at this blogging thing.... I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have decided that although I am so happy to have the best husband in the whole world, and the two most perfect girls in the world....I am really sad.I am missing such a huge part of me. I keep thinking that these girls keep me so busy, I should be so happy. I know that really most days I am very happy, really but some days it hits that I have been pushing back how truly sad I am. I guess that I thought the longer it has been and the busier that i am it will get easier. I just want to say it out loud that it doesn't get any easier. The hurt and empty feeling just cannot be replaced. Devon would be ten this year, and it has been 3 years and 5 months and 14 days since I got to hug, kiss, listen to his voice, or tell him how much I love him. IT seems like yesterday and at the same time it seems like forever ago. I really don't know where this came from today. Just been a bad day all together. I just know that I have been shut in for 1 1/2 years now, and maybe it is getting to me. I just know that I should be going to Devon's baseball games, taking him to school, picking him up, going to gymnastics, taking him with me to church. He should be here to help me with the babies. I think i would brave the grocery store by my self if he were here to help me. I guess that i am just finally saying somethings out loud that I have been repeating to my self since I lost him. I just miss him, and I miss how even busier our lives should be because he should be here. It hasn't gotten easier, God just gave me 3 reasons to finally smile again. And he gave me the knowledge that Devon is with him and safe waiting for me. I love you Devon, my sunshine.


God leads us in happy and sad times...